i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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