A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
