Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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