Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
