DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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