Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
