Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
