Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
