oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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