ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
