he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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