Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
