Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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