i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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