nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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