i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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