somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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