when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
