you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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