I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
