im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
