I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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