Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
