I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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