at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These tits shall not be calmed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
