I'm gonna have a badass scar
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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