I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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