so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
