I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
