so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
