You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
