he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
