he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
