So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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