All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Randomize
