mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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