i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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