What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My vagina just recognized that song.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
