but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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