seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
