It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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