So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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