I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
