Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
