I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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