i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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