how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
