I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
