Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i think im in europe. pls send help
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
