she woke up with a sticky ear
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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