i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
