Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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